Given that I am not the most prolific of blog posters you probably haven’t noticed that I haven’t actually been posting much for the last couple of months. However just in case anyone out there has been wondering what on earth I have been up to here’s a bit of an update. My last post found me sad and scared as I left my job as a counsellor at a Hospice where I had been working for 7 years. Since then (as well as working privately) I have been taking stock of where I am going with my work and life and in particular with mindfulness.
You’ll notice that this post is from the blog on my new web site www.katediggory.com (still under construction so bear with me). This is the new direction my mindfulness journey is taking me – into self-compassion, self-acceptance and loving kindness. I’ve been exploring these concepts and ideas for quite a while now and they are making a huge difference to my living, so much so that I want to offer what I’m learning to a wider audience so that others can explore whether being more self-compassionate can bring the powerful inner and outer changes that I have experienced. Hence the direction of my work will change over the next few months as I learn more and develop more ideas and resources.
It’s a slow journey – as much as I would love to rush it I just can’t; learning to be self-compassionate I am finding can be really challenging! I’m fighting decades of conditioned behaviour which tells me to always think of others first to the neglect of my own needs. The only way I know is to be hard on myself, to criticise and bully myself into working harder and better but the end result has been exhaustion, self-loathing and really low self-esteem masked by a thin veneer of false confidence. Each time I think I’ve made a few steps forward something seems to challenge me and I get another reminder on how hard I am on myself and how that is limiting me in the way I’m functioning.
So one of the big, big things for me to accept is that it’s ok to be self-compassionate and take my time to develop my new web site, get the marketing done and the programmes developed. The old me would say I’m dawdling, procrastinating, actually being a bit of a loser. The new more compassionate me says you know what, the sky won’t fall in if I take a few more months to deepen my self-compassion practice , enjoy life a bit and actually relax and have some time to myself (you terrible, awful lazy person says the old self-critical me; compassionate me says take your time, it’s a necessary part of the journey…).
So here I am slowly moving forward into a more compassionate and caring future which defies all business models of how to launch and grow a business. In future posts I’ll explain more about self-compassion but for now I’m just enjoying the freedom of not striving so hard (and also practising accepting that it may mean a bit of a struggle financially, but for now that’s a price I am willing to pay).